*****
Her Email
I have been thinking about our conversation last night very seriously, and I think many problems were presented. I definitely, as I mentioned last night, did see areas where my being conservative and your being liberal may be a dilemma.However, I feel the subject we have the greatest difference of opinion is definitely in the area of sex. As I said last night, I was speechless, I really didn't expect the conversation to take that turn, and I didn't know what to say. I did tell you that I do not believe in extra marital sex, then you brought up the subject of oral sex.
This (oral sex) is directly opposed to my religion, and is not permissible even in the context of marriage. As you mentioned it, I only imagine that this particular subject is something important to you, I respect that and that is why I am writing you. I know you have so little free time, and I would hate for you to waste it on someone who will never see eye to eye with you on what you consider important.
It is easier for me to write this to you, as it is-yes I admit it, a bit embarrassing for me to talk about on the phone. Again, the particular act is against my religion, and truly against what I believe personally as well. I know you did make a biblical reference to marriage and the bodies of the husband and wife. And that is true, but I believe it means that the man and woman are so closely united through God and through the sacrament that they become "one flesh" both in body and soul.
Part of this physical and spiritual union is loving and respecting each other so much that you seek the sanctity of one another, not wishing to do anything that would degrade or harm one another. And while, the Catholic Church does not say you can only have sex if you are planning to procreate, that "possibility" must always exist in the sexual act between husband and wife-which is why we don't believe in contraception or unusual sexual acts.
I needed to be completely honest with you and here it is. I really don't think you will want to meet me after this; but I believe honesty is the best policy. And what's important to you should be addressed.
Take Care,
***
my response
Thank you so much for your email, it is very courageous of you to write something like that and it shows that you are a good judge of character to entrust me, of that I am wholeheartedly grateful. It is a great pleasure talking to you and I must say the subject of religion and morality is one I hold very dear and very interesting, as I mentioned to you it has been my life's study and it is what I write about, although at times hypocritically being that I in fact am not following a sinless life, nor do I believe is anyone, save Jesus but, if you would allow me to indulge you in my views on sex you may be surprised.
In fact I believe you are correct, but I take it a step further, all sex is sin, even procreation!! All desire is sin!!!! All opinions are sin!!! And this is not my opinion, it is fact, simply because all these things take us farther from God, and the gospel is clear, we must give all to God, in fact you must love him with ALL of your heart, all of your soul, and all of your mind, in fact you must always think on God, and all things blessed and holy!! But here is the problem, to do that is not easy, and God so loved the world that he sent his only son to save us from ourselves, to carry us over the darkness--- and he said only the pure of heart can see God. So yes, the right thing to do is check in to your nearest monastery, and by God don't take a car or a bike, and take your shoes off, you don't need them, nor do you need an extra set of underwear, indeed walk in as you are and lose yourself and the world only to find your true self, immersed in God. Say goodbye to everyone you know, and know no one but God, that is the way to have a pure heart.
So I'm sure your thinking it can be done as you live your life so to speak, keep going to your job, keep eating ice cream, keep watching movies, keep listening to music that doesn't praise God, keep being ashamed, being ashamed of all that is not of God.....I know your thinking your conviction is Good and the church has the answers, and some of the sins I mention, even if they are sins; are minor sins, and yes they are, but the truth is all that takes you from God, all that grabs your attention from him, your desire; is the measure of your faith, or your worth. So ask yourself this question: what brings you closer to God, what helps you think more about God, what makes your love more fulfilling? because to love is to know God. You may find desiring dolls, more dangerous than oral sex. I know that sounds silly but, what if a particular passion for life is not desire but love? What if I were to tell you that intimacy between two people is an act that brings those people closer to God because God is love? Is it obscene to think that making love with your husband can be shared by God somehow? That when you think during that passion, during that ecstasy, that God is with you, that in fact what you are feeling is God? Well I don't know, honestly, maybe sex was created for our weakness, because so few of us can feel the ecstasy that is having a passion for God, but here's the thing; I have felt that. I have stood in a church and felt the Holy Spirit flow through me and it was better than any sex I've ever had or ever will have. Is it enough? Is that all you need? "man does not live by bread alone but by every word that cometh out of the mouth of God"... The question is what comes out of the mouth of God? What you say to your husband after a blissful night of rapture, is that God? That moment you may feel one with that person, his flesh yours and visa versa, and you do in fact feel God! Is that felt with just any sex, of course not, and that's the special thing about sex.. You see the holier it is the better it is, the more fulfilling, the less the desire and the more the passion. So let me tell you this, when the bible says, do what you wish with your spouse's body and visa versa, perhaps Paul speaks about this fulfilling passion that defines your ability to communicate God's grace!....Does a faithful nun that never had sex feel that, oh yes, you better believe it. Does an earnest monk that has known nothing but a church his whole life feel that power inside him, oh yes....Well believe me when I say this...Unless you remove yourself from this world and immerse yourself into the depths of your inner passion for God you will not know him. You can read the bible and go to church till your blue in the face, but if you don't try to feel the innerpower of God's grace, if you don't contemplate him and manifest his grace, then you wont know him. Does sex do that, not on its own, no, in fact sex on its own is a perversion of that, much like drugs can be a perversion of enlightenment or of spiritual bliss, but it's fake, because when the high is gone, there you are again without the power of bliss...But if you're devoted you do feel that, and mark my words, if you're devoted to the happiness and grace of your marriage then you must do all you can to bring out as much of that passion as possible. Do you think intimacy without sex can transform into a communicative grace, yes of course, you can get that with a platonic relationship, but why sell yourself short, why even get married if you don't make the best of it. All that you do with your spouse in the earnest effort of fulfilling your mutual passion and bringing what you feel to a greater level of spiritual understanding, is of God and apart of God and his grace. If you think that's dirty and wrong, then you're simply not thinking about making love and fulfilling your innerpassion , innergrace, you're thinking about sex, a simple act of sex. A marriage completely without oral sex is deprived of the fulfillment of passion and I believe that it could be a sin and possibly an insult to the phrase "holy matrimony", to believe that oral sex is unclean and sinful. It is as thought as well, if I think about having sex with anyone that is not my wife it is adultery, said Jesus. So ultimately the sin lies in your thoughts and intentions. If you think and believe that oral sex is wrong and sinful, well then it will be for you...I urge you not to think that... Well, I could go on, but I got work to do..... I guess our date is off....But please let me know what you think about this long email...
and I wont call you unless you write back out of courtesy....
thanks,
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